in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
3pm strippers are depressing
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
