i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
