Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
What a dumb baby whore.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
