So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
