it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
