Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
