I am in a vortex of obligation.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
