the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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