O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
