help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
