just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
