And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Randomize
