Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
