I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
