Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Please don't give away my fajitas
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
