My nipple is on Facebook.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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