whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
