I wish my penis had an off switch
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
