woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
