Jerry, you need to find god
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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