hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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