Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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