perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
