Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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