i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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