Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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