The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
