Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
