there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
