I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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