Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
