Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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