I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
