so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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