As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
