You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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