Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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