my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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