Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I am midnight drunk by noon
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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