my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
