call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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