Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
