Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
