I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
