god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
