Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
