He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
