My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
