You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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