my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
