kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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